As someone who simultaneously loves and fears commitment, there are big, huge things in my 24-year-old-life that scare me.
I’ve never been good at beating around the bush, and my most courageous self always starts with a pen and paper (or in this case, a keyboard). So here we go.
I am scared of the unknown.
I am scared of disappointing people I love.
I am scared of having no money when I grow up.
I am scared that I’m grown up.
I am scared of living a life I regret.
I am scared of my shortcomings.
I am scared of loneliness.
I am scared of imperfect relationships.
I am scared of being scared.
I am scared of acting on impulse.
I am scared of not acting on impulse.
I am scared that I value other peoples’ opinions too much.
I am scared that I don’t ask for peoples’ opinions enough.
I’m scared of doing a wild, crazy thing that my heart wants.
I’m scared of the perfect, linear lives people appear to have while my life is getting messier.
I am terrified of the realization that when I stop caring about others’ opinions, I don’t mind the mess.
So what now?
This is the beginning of a love letter. To myself and to others taking journeys through the darkest parts of their mind and wondering what’s happening in there.
This is a love letter to those facing their real selves and asking, “Can my wild heart be trusted to make major life decisions?”
It’s for those who have taken a survey of everyone they know to make the next big decision in their lives, all the while knowing no one can do the work for us.
Kurt Vonnegut has made 2 claims: 1) that the older generation has helpful wisdom to impart, but young people don’t want to hear it, and 2) that the younger generation needs to be taken more seriously by the older generation.
So how are we supposed to reconcile that dissonance, Kurt? Listen to our parents? Or listen to ourselves? Who’s right?
Cheers to us, to beginnings, and figuring it out together.